So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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