i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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