i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
