a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
