I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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