I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
