I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
These tits shall not be calmed
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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