My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
And then my night got REAL pukey
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
