Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
