I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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