Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
