Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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