Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
