So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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