I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
