no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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