i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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