She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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