If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
