we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
