Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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