So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
