A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
