Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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