Can Purell be used as lube?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
