Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
