Apparently you make a good broom.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
