nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
