We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
