i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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