One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
