i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
