I wish I could punch you in the face.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Someone came in the potted fern
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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