she was so not down for the gang bang
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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