Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
