he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
