my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
