My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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