They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
