He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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