The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
