I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Who wears a wallet chain?!
either way he was missing a nipple.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
