but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
