he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
