if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
