Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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