even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
