I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
