Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
