never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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