Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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