How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
