is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
